He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
