i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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