Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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