it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
porn star boner night. come get it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
