Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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