I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize