Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
