I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
