I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
