I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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