just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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