Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
