I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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