Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hippo gnu deer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
