Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
