I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
