I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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