Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
