She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
