Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
