Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
