I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
