she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
