Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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