After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
