I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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