i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
