Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
