my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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