did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
