HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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