I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
