sarcasm needs its own font
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
