Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
