i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
