I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize