Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
