Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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