I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
