i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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