Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
