I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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