I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize