He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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