hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
