I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Terrible idea I love it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
