apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
