Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
