it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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