youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
