New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
