BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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