I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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