the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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