In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
