bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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