Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
