Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
