Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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