she woke up with a sticky ear
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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