are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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