Acid is not a monday night drug
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
