I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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