good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
