i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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