He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
