Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
