you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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