And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
