Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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