you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
