You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you would pick up someone in the library
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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