Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I party with great urgency now.
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